So there's this big story out about this spear fisherman in the Gulf of Mexico off of the Louisiana coast who, while diving around oil rigs with his buddies, gets into a fight to the death with a 12-foot tiger shark. See overrated story here.
While there are many articles out there about this amazing struggle between man and beast, I chose that one as my link due to its particular wording: "A brave man named Craig Clasen beat the shark then shot it seven times with spear guns and then finished it off with a big knife."
That is an actual paragraph in that story. It sounds like a second grader wrote it, but that is not the point that I am trying to make. This shark did not have to die. Not like this. These dudes are assholes. You, Craig Clasen, are not brave. You, Craig Clasen, are an asshole. Here's why:
Craig Clasen and his bros are spearfishing for tuna. I don't know about the rest of the manly men involved, but I can see from pictures (one of his bros happened to be carrying an underwater camera- convenient!) that Craig was not wearing a scuba tank, but only a snorkel. That scores him one point, as he was clearly at a disadvantage in the "breathing" department. Secondly, according to all involved, the buddy with the camera was using the camera to fend off the shark's deadly (or perhaps- romantic?) advances, so Craig had to step in to save him. That scores Craig another point, this time in the "reasonably aggressive" department. Craig gets only two points.
First, these geniuses were spearfishing under an oil rig in the freakin' Gulf of Mexico. They seemed surprised when this shark began circling, and (sort of) attacking. Dumbasses.
A) It is well known that the Gulf of Mexico is home to several species of shark. In fact a search of the internet turned up 49 different shark species known to inhabit the Gulf of Mexico at various times of the year, including (but not limited to) the Tiger shark (gasp) and the Great White shark (badass).
B) It is even more well known that sharks are attracted to blood, and to the movements that are given off by an injured, distressed creature. Guess what bleeds and moves in an injured, distressed fashion? Tuna, when you stab it with a spear attached to a rope, that you shoot out of a gun. Who knew? EVERYONE.
C) Sharks routinely hang out underneath oil rigs, because of the abundant food supply. There have been studies about this.
Secondly, even if we completely ignore the fact that these morons were basically wearing shark bulls eyes, we cannot ignore that they were asking for it by hanging out inside of the shark's house. In fact, they were hanging out inside of the shark's kitchen, stealing her food. There is a reason why I do not hang out under oil rigs. It's because I do not want to be eaten by a shark. And yes, the shark was a chick. Way to go, Chris Brown! I mean... Craig Clasen.
Third, Craig Clasen "the brave man" with the "big knife" (hello? Use adjectives much?) shot the shark a whopping seven times with spear guns. Multiple spear guns. I have a problem with this for two reasons. One, because he shot the shark once, and it was leaving. However, Craig was worried that this wasn't humane, and that the shark shouldn't suffer. So instead of leaving her to her own devices and to the will of the universe, he shot her six more times. Poor thing got stabbed more than your sister on prom night. (Yes! Comedic, unnecessary vulgarity!) This was humane? Shooting a shark with seven spears, and then killing it with your "big knife"? My second problem is that I doubt there were seven loaded spear guns under the water at one time, and that Craig was holding his breath during the entire ordeal. He had to have surfaced with his snorkel, and he had to have either reloaded, or borrowed guns from his buddies. Either way, that makes me doubt the fierceness of the battle. It almost makes it seem like Craig was more interested in telling an awesome story, than in "putting her out of her misery."
Fourth, after the shark was finally dead, they cut a piece of her flesh out sashimi-style and ate it triumphantly. Then they had the nerve to complain about how gross the texture of the meat was. And the picture of Craig, the humane and remorseful hunter, that was published in magazines and newspapers really helps his version of events. He was so haunted and sad about what he had done, that he cut the jaws out of the shark for a trophy. He is seen in pictures holding up her tail and jaws, still with meat on them. Disgusting.
These idiots should not be celebrated. They are not heroes. Craig is not some awesome dude who killed a ferocious shark with a "big knife." Had he been holding his breath the entire time, and used only the knife... Then, yes. In those circumstances, I would have conceded that he is indeed a hero and an incredibly manly man. However, those were not the circumstances he faced. Sort of seems to me that Craig's "big knife" and aggression toward the chick shark were maybe outward signs of an internal struggle. Perhaps that's the only "big knife" that Craig has. Perhaps chick shark is the only chick to have circled in a while. Maybe this whole thing was just a needless display of machismo, performed to make up for other areas of Craig's life that aren't as exciting.
Or maybe Craig and pals really are just that stupid, and have seen the Jaws movies one too many times. If that's the case, then I would be careful if I were them. The ocean shall have her revenge. Probably in the form of mercury poisoning, as the shark meat that they ate was probably chock full of the stuff. Yum, boys! Eat up!
While there are many articles out there about this amazing struggle between man and beast, I chose that one as my link due to its particular wording: "A brave man named Craig Clasen beat the shark then shot it seven times with spear guns and then finished it off with a big knife."
That is an actual paragraph in that story. It sounds like a second grader wrote it, but that is not the point that I am trying to make. This shark did not have to die. Not like this. These dudes are assholes. You, Craig Clasen, are not brave. You, Craig Clasen, are an asshole. Here's why:
Craig Clasen and his bros are spearfishing for tuna. I don't know about the rest of the manly men involved, but I can see from pictures (one of his bros happened to be carrying an underwater camera- convenient!) that Craig was not wearing a scuba tank, but only a snorkel. That scores him one point, as he was clearly at a disadvantage in the "breathing" department. Secondly, according to all involved, the buddy with the camera was using the camera to fend off the shark's deadly (or perhaps- romantic?) advances, so Craig had to step in to save him. That scores Craig another point, this time in the "reasonably aggressive" department. Craig gets only two points.
First, these geniuses were spearfishing under an oil rig in the freakin' Gulf of Mexico. They seemed surprised when this shark began circling, and (sort of) attacking. Dumbasses.
A) It is well known that the Gulf of Mexico is home to several species of shark. In fact a search of the internet turned up 49 different shark species known to inhabit the Gulf of Mexico at various times of the year, including (but not limited to) the Tiger shark (gasp) and the Great White shark (badass).
B) It is even more well known that sharks are attracted to blood, and to the movements that are given off by an injured, distressed creature. Guess what bleeds and moves in an injured, distressed fashion? Tuna, when you stab it with a spear attached to a rope, that you shoot out of a gun. Who knew? EVERYONE.
C) Sharks routinely hang out underneath oil rigs, because of the abundant food supply. There have been studies about this.
Secondly, even if we completely ignore the fact that these morons were basically wearing shark bulls eyes, we cannot ignore that they were asking for it by hanging out inside of the shark's house. In fact, they were hanging out inside of the shark's kitchen, stealing her food. There is a reason why I do not hang out under oil rigs. It's because I do not want to be eaten by a shark. And yes, the shark was a chick. Way to go, Chris Brown! I mean... Craig Clasen.
Third, Craig Clasen "the brave man" with the "big knife" (hello? Use adjectives much?) shot the shark a whopping seven times with spear guns. Multiple spear guns. I have a problem with this for two reasons. One, because he shot the shark once, and it was leaving. However, Craig was worried that this wasn't humane, and that the shark shouldn't suffer. So instead of leaving her to her own devices and to the will of the universe, he shot her six more times. Poor thing got stabbed more than your sister on prom night. (Yes! Comedic, unnecessary vulgarity!) This was humane? Shooting a shark with seven spears, and then killing it with your "big knife"? My second problem is that I doubt there were seven loaded spear guns under the water at one time, and that Craig was holding his breath during the entire ordeal. He had to have surfaced with his snorkel, and he had to have either reloaded, or borrowed guns from his buddies. Either way, that makes me doubt the fierceness of the battle. It almost makes it seem like Craig was more interested in telling an awesome story, than in "putting her out of her misery."
Fourth, after the shark was finally dead, they cut a piece of her flesh out sashimi-style and ate it triumphantly. Then they had the nerve to complain about how gross the texture of the meat was. And the picture of Craig, the humane and remorseful hunter, that was published in magazines and newspapers really helps his version of events. He was so haunted and sad about what he had done, that he cut the jaws out of the shark for a trophy. He is seen in pictures holding up her tail and jaws, still with meat on them. Disgusting.
These idiots should not be celebrated. They are not heroes. Craig is not some awesome dude who killed a ferocious shark with a "big knife." Had he been holding his breath the entire time, and used only the knife... Then, yes. In those circumstances, I would have conceded that he is indeed a hero and an incredibly manly man. However, those were not the circumstances he faced. Sort of seems to me that Craig's "big knife" and aggression toward the chick shark were maybe outward signs of an internal struggle. Perhaps that's the only "big knife" that Craig has. Perhaps chick shark is the only chick to have circled in a while. Maybe this whole thing was just a needless display of machismo, performed to make up for other areas of Craig's life that aren't as exciting.
Or maybe Craig and pals really are just that stupid, and have seen the Jaws movies one too many times. If that's the case, then I would be careful if I were them. The ocean shall have her revenge. Probably in the form of mercury poisoning, as the shark meat that they ate was probably chock full of the stuff. Yum, boys! Eat up!
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