I received word this morning that a "sort of" family member deleted me off of their Facebook and Myspace friend lists. I'm really sad about it... (NOT). I mean, I had sort of forgotten that I was their friend in the first place. But it's not the fact that I was deleted that totally astounds me, it's why. It just doesn't make any damn sense, like the "Chewbacca defense" that Johnny Cochran used on South Park a few years back.
Anyhoooo... Here's what happened:
This "step-aunt" of mine likes to send out ridiculous mass emails, approximately three times a week. Usually, they are bullshit chain letters, like "OMG! I swear that if you send this back, tomorrow you will meet an angel that will give you the powerball numbers, and sort of look like some Asian chick you used to know! Do it!" I usually ignore them, and don't even open them. They're stupid, and I don't know why she decides to include me in her mailing lists anyway... but I have gone off course with the story...
Saturday, she sent out a mass email (that I didn't even see) that reminded everyone to change their clocks to "Spring forward." She made the subject line of the email something like "Daylight Savings Time Reminder!" My cousin apparently sent out a similar email several years ago, and some coworker of hers (who is sort of a douche, from the sound of it), made fun of her because it is actually "Daylight Saving Time," and there shouldn't be an "s" on the end of "Saving". My cousin has been haunted by this news, it seems, and so she send a reply email to the step-aunt (let's call her "Ann") to inform her of this supposed grammatical faux pas. She didn't hit "reply all," she just replied with a friendly note that passed on that knowledge that she had received years earlier.
"Ann" abruptly replied, "Well, I guess I can't do anything right!" My cousin felt bad, as she was not trying to be condescending (she says), and she tried to reply to that email in order to explain herself. Upon doing so, she discovered that "Ann" had blocked her email address. My cousin really wanted to clear the air with "Ann" (who happens to be her stepmother), so she attempted to contact her on Facebook, only to discover that "Ann" had deleted her ass, in a totally mature (for someone 35 years younger) fashion.
My cousin tried to get her sister to pass along a message via her Facebook account, but "Ann" had deleted her younger stepdaughter as well. She also deleted the first cousin's husband, the second cousin's fiancee, me and my husband. Her daughter also deleted all of us. None of us care, because none of us wanted to be her friend in the first place. We just felt really awkward to get a friend request from her, and felt like we had to add her.
But it gets even dumber than that. We compared notes on "Ann's" craziness level, and discovered that "Ann" has apparently been stalking us all on Facebook, and using pictures and other information to try and get us into trouble with our parents. The flaw in this plan is that we are all well over the age of 21 (and in some cases, 31) and our parents stopped giving a crap about what we do a long time ago.
My main thought in this matter is: Who the fuck does this kind of thing?
I would expect this kind of behavior from some dumbass 15-year-old, but even my dumbass 15-year-old cousin doesn't do that type of thing. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that "Ann" is just a crazy old hoebag, with the sub-conclusion that she has waaaaay too much time on her hands. I am glad that I'm not her "friend" anymore, because at this level of immature nut-baggery I can only imagine what she would post as her "25 Random Things About Me." I have taken the liberty of putting that imagining into this blog:
Anyhoooo... Here's what happened:
This "step-aunt" of mine likes to send out ridiculous mass emails, approximately three times a week. Usually, they are bullshit chain letters, like "OMG! I swear that if you send this back, tomorrow you will meet an angel that will give you the powerball numbers, and sort of look like some Asian chick you used to know! Do it!" I usually ignore them, and don't even open them. They're stupid, and I don't know why she decides to include me in her mailing lists anyway... but I have gone off course with the story...
Saturday, she sent out a mass email (that I didn't even see) that reminded everyone to change their clocks to "Spring forward." She made the subject line of the email something like "Daylight Savings Time Reminder!" My cousin apparently sent out a similar email several years ago, and some coworker of hers (who is sort of a douche, from the sound of it), made fun of her because it is actually "Daylight Saving Time," and there shouldn't be an "s" on the end of "Saving". My cousin has been haunted by this news, it seems, and so she send a reply email to the step-aunt (let's call her "Ann") to inform her of this supposed grammatical faux pas. She didn't hit "reply all," she just replied with a friendly note that passed on that knowledge that she had received years earlier.
"Ann" abruptly replied, "Well, I guess I can't do anything right!" My cousin felt bad, as she was not trying to be condescending (she says), and she tried to reply to that email in order to explain herself. Upon doing so, she discovered that "Ann" had blocked her email address. My cousin really wanted to clear the air with "Ann" (who happens to be her stepmother), so she attempted to contact her on Facebook, only to discover that "Ann" had deleted her ass, in a totally mature (for someone 35 years younger) fashion.
My cousin tried to get her sister to pass along a message via her Facebook account, but "Ann" had deleted her younger stepdaughter as well. She also deleted the first cousin's husband, the second cousin's fiancee, me and my husband. Her daughter also deleted all of us. None of us care, because none of us wanted to be her friend in the first place. We just felt really awkward to get a friend request from her, and felt like we had to add her.
But it gets even dumber than that. We compared notes on "Ann's" craziness level, and discovered that "Ann" has apparently been stalking us all on Facebook, and using pictures and other information to try and get us into trouble with our parents. The flaw in this plan is that we are all well over the age of 21 (and in some cases, 31) and our parents stopped giving a crap about what we do a long time ago.
My main thought in this matter is: Who the fuck does this kind of thing?
I would expect this kind of behavior from some dumbass 15-year-old, but even my dumbass 15-year-old cousin doesn't do that type of thing. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that "Ann" is just a crazy old hoebag, with the sub-conclusion that she has waaaaay too much time on her hands. I am glad that I'm not her "friend" anymore, because at this level of immature nut-baggery I can only imagine what she would post as her "25 Random Things About Me." I have taken the liberty of putting that imagining into this blog:
"Ann's" 25 Random Things About Me (as imagined by Fort Awesome):
1. I like to buy dalmation puppies, and make coats out of them! They're warm and adorable!!
2. When I saw "Silence of the Lambs", I was really pulling for "Buffalo Bill."
3. The other day, I saw one of those Al Qaeda beheading videos... Hil-ar-i-ous.
4. When I get nostalgic, I like to pull out my old prom picture. It's nice to look back and remember the night my first child was conceived!
5. I hate babies, old people, the disabled and kittens.
6. I'm not crazy! Crazy people go to the psychiatrist. Kind of like how I am not an alcoholic, because I don't go to those stupid meetings.
7. Did I mention that I hate kittens? I should make some earmuffs to go with my dalmation coat.
8. I only like to watch Iron Chef when they use live ingredients. I get a secret thrill out of seeing them hook eels through the face while they're still alive. Well... I guess it's not much of a "secret" anymore.
9. I work for UPS, and the best thing about my job is all the cool gifts I "find" for people on my route. (Don't pay any attention to the fact that someone else's name and address are on the box).
10. I heart Rocky Road ice cream.
11. I sort of miss being a dude.
12. One of my grandchildren is named after one of the actors in "Dude, Where's My Car?" Guess which one!
13. Books are really scary, unless they have a lot of pictures.
14. I was totally surprised at the end of "Titanic" when the boat sank. Why couldn't it have a happy ending? Maybe like at the end of "Grease"... The boat could have flown off into the sky.
15. Have you ever seen that show "The Girls Next Door"? I sure wish I was as smart as Kendra Wilkinson.
16. I have always kind of wondered what a bottlenose dolphin would taste like.
17. My dream job is to be the one who works the gas chamber at the pound.
18. I enjoy knitting sweaters out of other people's hair.
19. I am desperately lonely when the voices stop. Good thing I hear them most of the time.
20. Nothing pisses me off more than blind kids. Just SEE already!!!
21. I like to play World of Warcraft, because I have always dreamed of being an elf.
22. Gandhi sucks.
23. Puring salt on slugs is the coolest way to spend an afternoon.
24. Isn't it awesome how everyone has an extra nipple on their back? I think it's the coolest.
25. Damn... I hate kittens.
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