I have absolutely know idea why this thought came to me, but...

Remember Jurassic Park? Well, first remember the book, because it kicked total ass. Then, if you feel like, remember the movie. Under no circumstances should you remember any sequels to that movie. Moving on... Remember Jurassic Park?

Earlier, for no apparent reason whatsoever, I started making a list in my head of things that would not be of any practical value if you were stuck inside of Jurassic Park. The actual park, not the book or the movie. Now, that list has gotten loose and is on the internet.

1. A sombrero. Sure, you could argue that it's a really big hat, and nobody likes a sunburn, but that would be stupid. First of all, sombreros are never useful, unless you are employed by a mariachi band. Then, it's sort of a requirement. Other than that, there is no reason to choose a sombrero over a less festive hat. In Jurassic Park, it would just make you the asshole that gets eaten first.

2. The complete Encyclopedia Britannica. It could potentially help identify native flora and fauna, but then it's not really important what kind of dinosaur is trying to kill you. What's important is that you had fun running away!

3. One of those little balsa wood airplanes with the wind-up propellers. They're stupid anyway. They always nosedive straight into the damn ground, and if you accidentally wind up the propeller too tight, the balsa wood cracks apart. Stupid little airplane. Why won't you fly for me?!?!?

4. A unicycle. Unless you can somehow strap a dummy version of you onto it, and push it over a cliff as some kind of clever decoy. But, if you were dumb enough to go to Jurassic Park, let alone bring a unicycle, you probably aren't clever enough to have thought of that.

5. A ping pong paddle. What's the point of having just one paddle anyway? Without another paddle and a ball, you can't play. If you just have one paddle, you deserve to be stuck on the island.

6. Your half of the BFF necklace that you share with your BFF. By the way, if they have multiple halves of necklaces that they are sharing with multiple other people, you are not their BFF. Now go flail about in front of the T-Rex.

7. Yoga DVD. You probably won't have time for yoga, and once the power gets shut off, good luck trying to find a generator for your DVD player.

8. Condoms. It's too dirty to have sex, and besides... You're going to be eaten by a dinosaur. Catching the clap is the least of your problems.

9. Lab coat. It might look cool, and be a hit with the ladies, but a velociraptor will just treat it like the skin on a hot tamale.

10. Stilts. Everyone would like to be a little bit taller, but unless you are competing on the awesome Japanese gameshow "Unbeatable Banzuke" (Google it-- you won't regret it) they really won't help you. They'll just end up as dino toothpicks when pieces of you get all stuck between their front teeth. That is so annoying!

I am sure that there are many more things that wouldn't help at all if you were trapped in Jurassic Park, but those are just the things that I was thinking about earlier. BTW, none of those things are useless if you are MacGyver... But so few of us are. How awesome was that guy?